1. Prologue and Gym Rules

Greetings and peace be unto you from Lord Franco, who has instructed me to share with you the joy that he brings.  I was asked to contribute an article to the magazine a couple of months ago, since evidently some of my readers think that my mental condition makes for amusing reading.  I wish I could describe the process that allows me to transfer what I am thinking into writing for you to read.  I wrote a lot and read a lot as a teenager, and that is the only thing I can point to that helped me develop a voice, a way for transferring what I’m thinking onto paper.  Phonics and spelling bees as a child, a love for books, and a lot of practice are things that helped me develop my ability to write.  Of course, as with all natural processes, my development was somewhat addled by early exposure to Dave Barry and The Onion, both of which have warped my mind.  And in case you haven’t figured it out, I don’t take myself very seriously.  That’s where I’m coming from as a writer.  So without further ado, thanks to Clutch Fitness for the kind words and the opportunity to share some of my personal experiences with you.  But first, the rules.

Rule #1:   You must deadlift.

Rule #2:   You must squat.

Rule #3:   You must bench.

Rule #4:   You must engage in maximal effort training.

Rule #5:   You must engage in dynamic effort training.

Rule #6:   You must utilize accommodating resistance principles.

Rule #7:   You must do heavy abs for your core.

Rule #8:   You must lift in a compound manner.

Rule #9:   You must utilize constant variation.

Rule #10: You must do Olympic lifts.

Rule #11: No whining.

2. Abstract

If you’re a member or a guest cruising the forums, then you are probably here because you want to lift.  Although we all have different goals (weight loss, muscle gain, strength gains, injury prevention, etc.) the common theme is that we are all interested in resistance training as part of our regimen.  Resistance training is a powerful stimulus for change in your body, and a potent weapon against weakness, injury, and aging.  Where do you lift?  Some of us lift at home, some of us lift in college gyms, some in high school gyms, and some of us lift in a gym that requires you to pay for a membership.  Just having a good place to lift can be one of the toughest requirements to fulfill so that you can set up and participate in a resistance training program.  Although it would be nice to lift in a well-equipped gym with no waiting for equipment (and no fools curling 50 lbs. in the squat rack!), that isn’t always the case.  If you can’t afford a gym membership, or if the gym times don’t work for you, or if the gyms you have to lift at are too crowded, or if the average intelligence of the other gym patrons is somewhere between jack and crap, then maybe you should consider lifting at home.

I lifted in college gyms at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign for two years before I finally got tired of the idiots (both working out in the gyms and managing them), the waiting, and the sheer inconvenience of going back and forth across campus to the gym.  Only one gym is open on campus these days, so every single Bench Monkey, Ab Monkey, Cheat Curl Monkey, and every other weak piece of pencil-necked crap on this campus flocks to the gym, crowding the one tiny weight room at IMPE all day long so they can do their sorry cable workout, torn out from their sticky-paged copy of Maxim that they bought last week.  I couldn’t take it anymore, so I decided to lift at home.  And I discovered that I didn’t miss the campus gym for a second.  Well, except for maybe the cardio room.  Moving along…

You can lift at home, and you can get a good workout at home, with equipment that gym snobs might laugh at.  And you can do it on the cheap, too!  I am writing this to show you how I set up my garage, and just how much work I can get done out there.  It may not look fancy, but it gets the job done.  If you look at the gyms in Pumping Iron, there’s nothing fancy.  If you look at Ronnie Coleman’s gym in The Unbelievable, it’s about as plain as it gets.  And if you look at Westside Barbell, you’ll see that it is indeed a pit.  So what?  All that matters is the motivation and work ethic of the people working out there.  You don’t need any massively expensive circuits of Cybex machines.  I can get a better workout in my home gym than you can get in the upstairs room at IMPE (aka the pansy room), which is crammed with about $200,000 worth of Paramount equipment.  Paramount is spelled “repetitive pattern overload” for those of you who are not fluent in machine language.

I will run through what equipment I have, and for each piece I will tell you how much it cost me and how I made it or came to have it, if it isn’t something you can buy off the shelf.  I will then make a list of what exercises I can do in my home gym, including an explanation of some that may be unclear.  And you will see that you don’t need a bunch of fancy equipment to get a good, solid workout.  Obviously the more weight you lift or the more advanced you are, the more specialized your needs may be, and for heavy weight, you do need equipment that will support it.  But for the vast majority of us, who don’t need to support a 500 pound bench or an 800 pound squat, the equipment I’m describing will most likely work just fine.

This article is for everyone who doesn’t have money to go to the gym, doesn’t have a good time to get to the gym while it’s open, parents can’t buy you a membership, whatever.  Or maybe you just hate being forced to listen to Nelly while trying to get in a deadlift workout and you secretly wish that Imperial Stormtroopers would bust in the door of the gym and gun down all the fitness supervisors with their laser rifles and then take off, leaving you free to pop Best Of The Beast into the stereo.  Whatever!  This home gym is my solution to the problem, and while it may not be perfect, it will definitely get the job done.  So read on, and let’s see the inside of Franco’s Garage…

3. Required Equipment

In this section, we’ll go over some of the bare essentials you need to lift at home.  Some of these are things that really are necessary.  Other things I think you should have, and I’ll note that.

3.1 Weight Set

Resistance training, definitely going to need some resistance.  The best deal going is to head out to Dick’s Sporting Goods or the like and score a 300 lb. Olympic weight set for $90.  Or you can hit up the used sporting goods store if you’re lucky enough to have one.  If you’re of average build, even as a teenager, you are definitely going to need more than 110 lbs. for squat days, deadlifts, and probably for bench.  If you are smaller or just starting out, a 110 lb. standard set would probably do you for a while.  Wal-Mart, Super K, a lot of places stock these.  Try to stay away from concrete filled weights if you can, because they suck.  A 110 lb. weight set might run you $70-$100.  I would strongly urge that you get an Olympic set, since standard bars do not have rotating collars, which makes power cleans, deadlifts, and hang cleans annoying. 

Try to get a bar with good knurling; you’ll thank yourself later.  But once you spend this money, you’ll have enough weights to get started.  I paid $20 for a used Olympic bar and then bought plates at $0.39 a pound and also scored some 25’s, so I have 235 pounds total.  You know this is not remotely enough for a 1RM on squat or deadlift, so I am still in the process of getting more weight.  I would urge you to get some tens and fives so you can set up for as many weights as possible in between plates.  You’ll know what you need pretty quickly, and weights are cheap.  They’re made in China, so you usually get a good deal.  You don’t need any Ivanko competition grade weights for a garage.  The cheap stuff is plenty good here.  

Note that I don’t have any “good” dumbbells.  However, if you have a weight you use all the time, you might buy some hex dumbbells.  They’re packaged a little smaller than adjustable dumbbells are sometimes.  However, I have some cheap standard dumbbell handles and about a hundred pounds of standard plate left over from my teenage years, so there’s plenty for doing smaller muscle groups that way.  Laterals, rear delts, that kind of stuff.  You can get a small set for about $40 if you want dumbbells, and I’d recommend this over spending the money on Olympic dumbbell handles, even though they are nicer.   

Weight Set Price Range: $60-$100 for standard or Olympic set with bar
Dumbbell Set Price Range: $40-$60 for set with handles or Olympic handles only

Weight and Plate Prices: $0.39-$0.59 per pound for hex dumbbells or plate weights

3.2 Weight Bench

You are going to need a bench.  It’s important that it be wide enough for your shoulders, and I like it low enough that I can get leg drive.  I have a crappy DP bench left over from high school, and you could find something like this at a garage sale or used sporting goods store pretty cheaply, I bet.  Take a look around and see what you can find.  Now you can bench.  It’s good to find one that works for flat and incline.  For a lot of people, a bench like this is plenty strong.  I’m kind of leery about benching 225 on mine, but Ill let you know if I have any problems. 

Try to get one that has the bar stands wide for an Olympic bar, since if you have narrow stands like mine you will have to load the bar on the ground or something or have someone hold it while you load it.  Narrow stands mean the bar will become imbalanced as you load it.  It’s also useful to look for one with a cheap leg thing in case you want to use it.  I use the leg thing on my bench, but not as the designers intended.  More info on that later.

Bench Price Range: $40-$200 for basic to beefy
 

3.3 Squat Rack

This is perhaps the #1 most difficult thing to get when you’re lifting at home.  If you can afford a nice power rack, buy one.  If you can’t, don’t buy one.  But there is no way around it, you need to squat.  If you’re not going to squat, you might as well quit lifting right now and go back to your tiny baby bottle, ja?  You need to squat.  End of discussion.  You can do Zerchers and front squats with no rack, but for regular squats, the cornerstone of lower body workouts, you need a rack.  I will describe how I built mine a little later on, but here’s a picture of it for now to temporarily sate your curiosity. 

Mine cost about $20 to build, no joke.  You can replicate this for less than $50, easily.  If you want to buy one, you will pay anywhere from $100 for a stand-type to $1000 or more for a really nice type.  If you squat wide, you may need a sumo cage to accommodate you.  Most cages also have a chinning bar.  You can either buy a rack, or get a nice cage (I would recommend the cage if you can afford it), or just get one of the stands like they use in competitions with no safety pins.  You don’t need safety pins to be a part of the rack, because you can use other handy household items for this purpose.  However, adjustable safety pins are a lot more convenient. 

Squat Rack Price Range: $50-$1000 for homebuilt up to pro-level
 

3.4 Safety Pins

Most people sell the adjustable power rack FAR short of its real capabilities.  With correctly set safety pins, you can go for broke on squats, good mornings, military press, bench variations, and almost any other exercise that might otherwise crush you.  I’ll outline how they can be used for that later.  For the home lifter, this means the capability of lifting to failure and lifting heavy weight in safety.  Now, you can see that my rack doesn’t have pins.  However, I do have these ultra high quality semi-adjustable safety pins, for about 30$.

These horses are rated for 1000 lbs. each, but that number is most likely for a static load evenly distributed along the length of the horses.  Do I think I could drop 315 off my back onto these things and let it fall two feet on them without a problem?  No, I don’t.  But they will take a pretty good beating, and I probably won’t ever have more than 200 pounds on either one of these horses, ever.  A dynamic load such as that produced by dropping heavy weight a long distance might destroy them.  But realistically, when was the last time you failed on squat and just collapsed like Richard Simmons getting jumped by Rosie O’Donnell?  The big wood pieces will be explained later.

Safety Pin/Sawhorse Prices: $25-$40 per pair for horses and required wood
 

3.5 Box Squat Box

The box squat box is a fabulously useful item.  I use it for box squats and abs, among other things.  This bad motorfinger was free.  Free, I tell you!  The university charges me at least $450 in tuition and fees every semester, even though I am finished with classes and only doing research to finish up my doctorate.  So when I needed a box squat box, I knew that I would take it from the school and make them pay!  Ha ha!  I didn’t have to get Morgoth off his iron throne or anything to score this excellent piece of exercise equipment, but I did have to ride all over campus on a 20” BMX in the hot sun to find an unattended example of what I needed.  People’s Exhibit “A”.  Check behind restaurants, dorms, by dumpsters for places with food service, and also areas frequented by smokers during their breaks.

You can build a box if you want, or you can just start with a milk crate like I did.  Props to Sicily for the suggestion.  It’s not a plain old milk crate, though, as it has been modified to prevent collapse.  More details on that later on.  What height should it be?  We’ll discuss that, too.

Box Prices: $5-$20 for used milk crate or materials
 

3.6 Olympic Lift Bumpers

I cannot afford bumper plates.  The odds are that you won’t have them either, if you’re lifting at home.  Sucks, eh?  You can’t drop plates on a concrete floor.  I don’t really recommend it on a deadlift platform on concrete, either.  But face it, people…there is no eccentric on snatches or cleans.  And bringing the weight down can be dangerous sometimes.  It can also be really hard on your forearms.  I think that’s one reason I’ve suffered from golfer’s elbow twice, bringing down heavy weight on cleans.  Of course, since the Division of Campus Recreation wouldn’t know a bumper plate from a bedpan, they have no bumper plates and no platforms.  Build a pair of these or something like it so you can do cleans and snatches in your yard and drop the weight.  You can drop the weight in the dirt, but it makes big ruts and I really don’t recommend it.  This way, even though you’re starting about 3" too high, you can save your yard and your forearms.  And starting high on cleans (for me) just makes the lift a little harder anyways, since I don’t get as much leg drive.

Prices: $10-$20 for enough material to build these.  Scavenge whenever possible!

3.7 Small But Useful Items

These may or may not be used as weightlifting implements, but I recommend having them around.

Weightlifting Chalk: Especially in a non-air conditioned garage, this is critical.  You really need chalk if you’re going to be sweating, and not just for your hands.  It’s also important to chalk your back and shoulders during squats and good mornings, as well as your shoulders and chest during front squats.  Chalk is cheap.  I use it on every exercise that involves a bar, dumbell, or weight, no exceptions.  $15 for a big box or a couple dollars for one block that will last for several months.  I use more chalk than a math department, and it lasts quite a while.

Straps: I rarely use straps, but they’re dirt cheap and are useful for making sure you get enough of a workout on rows, deadlifts, etc.  I very rarely use them anymore, but if your grip strength is failing before you get a good workout in the target area, don’t be ashamed to give them a try.  I recommend the cheap canvas ones, about $5 in sporting goods stores.

Weightlifting Belt: If you’re going to max on squat or deadlift, I really think you should have a belt.  I never use one except for 1RM attempts on squat or deadlift, but I like having it then.  It’s just a little extra insurance against injury when used properly.  Most people don’t require a big fancy powerlifting belt.  I have a plain, fairly narrow leather belt.  I don’t like a big wide one.  I don’t  like cloth/velcro stuff, either, since they seem more stretchy than a plain old leather belt.  Anywhere from $15 to $30 for a cheap one.  Do not get a “leather-backed” belt.  This is the corinthian leather of “leather” belts.  Hello pleather!  Good-bye, support!

Bands And Chains: At some gyms, they’d probably throw a fit if you brought in Jumpstretch® bands or fifty pounds of chain.  However, the garage is my gym and I’ll do as I please.  I use pieces of thera-band for my bands, which can be obtained for next to nothing from a physical therapy unit or sports rehab clinic.  They’ll probably cut you pieces for free.  As far as chains go, you’ll probably have to buy them.  But you can get enough for roughly $50, along with all the necessary hardware for hanging them.  Here is a picture of what the raw band material looks like.

3.8 Event Training Equipment

I don’t really know how to describe these things, but there are some other pieces of equipment that can be used to help build overall strength, some of which are listed below.

A Big Rock: Carry it around, throw it, pick it up!  It’s Rock!  You’ve all seen The Reaping Stone (modified and unmodified views…) before.  This is a 100 lb. chunk of fun good for developing raw, functional strength.  This one was free.  If you know where to look and how to pick a time when nobody is around, you can score one of these almost anywhere for free.

5 Gallon Buckets: Fill them with sand or water or rocks for farmer’s walks, crucifix holds, all kinds of exciting and joyful pastimes.  My brother-in-law used to carry two five-gallon buckets loaded with water about a quarter mile up the road and back for preseason.  You can almost always score these for free.  I don’t recommend them for box squat boxes, since they aren’t as sturdy as the crate, and are usually taller.  Looky, looky, here’s some filled with junk in my garage!  These are, however, genuine South Beach Buckets.

Anvil: Picking up an anvil by the horn is a time-honored tradition that is sometimes followed by the time-honored tradition of swearing like a Navy chief after you drop it on yourself.  I can’t manage more than a 55 pound anvil by the horn, and that is only for about 5-10 seconds, but it’s a start.  My grandfather’s dad could pick up a 90 pounder by the horn.  A lifetime of physical labor will do that for you.  If you have an anvil laying around, it’s something to try.  If not, don’t waste your money.  It’ll probably be $20-$50 depending on where you score one.

Figure 3.10: Caution: Too Much W.S.M. Does This To You.

Sledgehammer: A sledgehammer can be used for “levering”, demonstrated weakly in the picture below.  Builds forearm rotation strength.  Any heavy, long object can be used for this.  No, that object is too small on you.  You know that.  Be creative and see what’s out there.  Maybe $10-$20 for something cheap.

Figure 3.11: Also Useful For Fine Tuning Your Car!

3.9 Equipment That’s Nice To Have But Not Really Necessary

EZ-Curl Bar: I do skullcrushers and curls with a straight bar, but once in a while, an ez-curl bar would be nice.  They run around $40 locally, though, so I don’t bother.  I’d rather buy more plates.

Cable Machine: For doing rotator cuffs, pull-throughs, or face pulls, these are hard to beat.  However, they are usually either expensive or really bulky, so there may not be much hope.  Never fear, however.  Creative use of bands can help you do some of these exercises.  Mucho expensive here, folks!

Reverse Hyper Machine: There really is no substitute for one of these, and they cost $700-$1000+, and this is pretty prohibitive.  However, with some creative welding and fabrication, you, too, can rip off a patented Louie Simmons design for your own use and self-abuse.  I have always wanted one, but our school gym managers would rather add TV’s and a juice bar than useful equipment like a reverse hyper machine.  Thank God!  Wouldn’t want to increase spinal disc hydration through traction or stretch out our tight back, no sir!

I will build my own, using skills learned in a class which did not count towards any degree.  Classical civilization, taken as a required humanity, DID count for graduation.  I learned what?  That the girl who sat next to me had a navel ring and spent most mornings hung over.  Welding class taken as free elective, not counted towards degree.  I learned what?  Basic metalworking skills to add to those I already had, and I picked up basic competence in stick, TIG, and MIG welding as well as gas welding and bronze welding.  And some light forging.  Go figure!   There will definitely be some planning and heavy fabrication involved, but I won’t bore you with details here.  Maybe after I build one, since I can’t pay $900 for one.

Glute-Ham Raise: This is a good exercise too.  With a heavy enough partner, you can do these with no extra equipment.  But since I lift alone, I will have to get creative.  Anyways.  My plan is to use the reverse hyper machine and modify it so it does both exercises.  Again, I don’t have $500-$1000 to buy one of these.

Plate Tree: Loose weights are not only annoying, but they are dangerous, especially if your lifting area has foot traffic.  You can hurt yourself kicking a weight on accident, and other people in your house will be annoyed if you leave weights laying around.  So either build or buy one. They cost about $50-$60 some places, so I recommend building your own.  Yes, that’s rebar. Cost of my plate tree?  Free!  And you can see the anvil in the background, too.

Board Press Boards: Take some 2x6 pieces and put them together.  Two to four pieces (3"-6" of height off the chest) three pieces about 12-18" long is plenty for this.  Board presses work triceps.  You can also find anything else about this size that’ll take the weight.  Super cheap, maybe $10 for a 6’ 2x6.

4. Equipment Fabrication

The good news is that the bench and weight set are made already.  The bad news is that to duplicate this, some fabrication is involved.  However, if you (or your dad, or your mom, or your brother, etc.) is even slightly handy (with a y, not an i) and you have access to a tape measure and a circular saw, then it shouldn’t be too terribly difficult to make your own squat rack and modify your own high-tech milk crate for box squats.  A reverse hyper or glute-ham machine…well, if you can weld, no sweat.  You could probably also have one built for you at reasonable cost, or at least less cost than buying one.  Same thing with the plate tree if you’ve got a connection.  The t-bar row handle I made, even though they’re cheap.  Cause I’m cheaper.  Finally, remember that 2 x 4 stock is 1.5" x 3.5" in real life.  Nominal dimensions and actual dimensions are different.

4.1 Squat Rack

Overall Note: When running lag screws into solid wood, use beeswax or bar soap to coat the threads.  If you don’t, it takes so much torque to drive the lags in that they will often break.  Usually below the surface, making them impossible to get back out.  Trust me; I know what I’m talking about here.  Also, Fleetwood Mac is lame.  You can trust me on this, too.

Recall Figure 3.3 of der squatten rakken. This is about as simple as it gets, folks.  This way made for me, with my measurements, so if you duplicate it, you need to take that into account.  The basic design is simple, and key components are marked in Figure 4.1 below.  Two heavy-duty uprights (called "columns" after this) actually support the weight while it’s racked.  Four short pieces of 2x4 go from the sides of the support back to the wall to hold the top from moving back and forth, or side to side relative to the wall, and the double supports (I’ll call them "stringers" after this) at the top prevent twisting.  On the bottom, I have only used one piece of 2x4 on each column to prevent motion back and forth or side to side.  The top prevents twisting well by itself. 

The way I measured for this was pretty simple.  I went to the gym with my trusty tape measure (a decade working in a cabinetry shop on the weekends will familiarize you with such tools…) and got the cage set up how I liked it.  Here are the key measurements I took.

1) Height of bar when it’s racked how I like it. (54" for me)

2) Inside width of squat rack. (42")

3) Outside width of squat rack. (48")

4) Height of safety pins when they’re set how I like them. (32")

5) Distance from centerline of bar to how far my head sticks forward under the bar when  I am getting ready to step out. (12")

Measuring #5 took some help.  Just measure from the center of an Olympic plate (666") and then have someone see how much your head sticks forward when you’re under the bar getting ready to step out.  Add that stickout (roughly 3" in my case) to the Olympic plate radius (9"), then add about another 3" for good measure.  That will give you the required front clearance for squatting, which will determine stringer length.  All that’s left is to make sure you have something to bolt everything to.

The first (and most difficult step) is making the uprights.  I went through a lot of torture on mine, and Ill tell you how I did it.  To make life easy, I don’t recommend my way.  I decided to build my rack like this because I found a 12’ 6x6 laying around and I liberated it for my purposes.  You could probably build the columns from 4x4 if you wanted, but 6x6 was what I had laying around.

To make the hooks on mine (Figure 4.1) I first cut the 6x6 in half.  Then I made sure the bottoms were shaved nice and square to the post so it would sit right on the ground.  It took two passes with a 12" radial arm saw, so a 4x4 might be easier if you’re working with a circular saw rather than a 3-phase Walker-Turner that was made before the French gave up at Dien Bien Phu.  Once I had a good end on both posts, I measured up from the bottom and marked a circle where the bar will be when this is all said and done.  I then drilled a 1" diameter hole through the column.  That’s a little smaller than Olympic bar diameter (1.25"-ish) but it was the biggest paddle bit I had.  Use a paddle bit for this if you’re gonna do it this way.  Then I cut out a cardboard template and marked what I thought would look good as a column top profile and be functional for holding the bar.  I then simply cut in from the front with the radial arm until I had a slice going all the way into the hole, and then cut the top of the post to length where the top of the "hook" would be.  The next step is the angled cut from the top of the post down into the hole to make the back of the "hook".  This is why I don’t recommend this method.  The straight line cut distance was about 6".  That means the circular saw got me about halfway there, and the rest had to be finished with a handsaw.  Hello, lactic acid.

But there you see the finished product.  In a wiser, more efficient future, I would simply whack the post to length, and then bolt a piece of flat steel or steel tube to the back of the post with several lags to catch the bar when you step back in with the bar.  To keep it from rolling out the front, you could use a shorter piece.  It’s up to you.  The key is making it tall enough that you can step back in, hit the bar up against the back of the hook, and then slide it down.

Well and good!  Now the posts must be fixed in space.  You must be mindful of the distance between the collars on the bar, so you don’t make the rack spacing too wide.  The problem with a 6x6 is it interferes with my hand placement when I squat, since the "hooks" come in about 6" on either side from the collars.  You could use 4x4’s or simply cut away some of the top of the posts.  It isn’t a big deal, though.  Since the posts may not be on 16" centers like studs in regular framing (the inside of your walls), you may need something else to affix the stringers to.  You could use spike or sleeve-type anchors in a concrete block wall or concrete wall, probably.  Do not use anchors in drywall.  If you do, you are asking for trouble and I won’t be liable.  If you don’t understand why that’s bad, then please return the hammer to someone else.

If building on drywall, I recommend running two horizontal cleats as shown in Figure 4.2.  I used 2x4.  Find convenient heights, and make the pieces roughly 5-6’ long.  Locate the studs and mark their location in the wall, and then hold each cleat up against the wall, using a level to make sure it’s, well, level.  Mark the stud locations on the piece, as well as where one end will go.  If this seems vague, I’m ass-suming you have enough skill to do these things.  If not, get help from a friend.  Use long screws to hold the cleats to the studs, and then calculate stringer length required to get the bar the required distance from the wall or the surface of the cleat.  I tried to hit 4 studs and used 4" drywall screws.  There won’t be much load on the rack pulling away from the wall, but it’s too much for anchors in drywall, in my super-precise engineering opinion.

Once the cleats are up, cut pieces of 2x4 to serve as stringers.  I butt them against the cleats and then drill two pilot holes through the stringer where it attaches to the side of the column so I can use two lags on either side of each column.  Figure 4.3 shows the mounting.  Yes, I know I used way too many lags and you shouldn’t use them in a line close together like that because wood can split.  Because of the corner brackets I used to butt the stringers to the cleats, I didn’t have a choice.  This is crude, I know.  But it’s still better than Bob Vila could do, because he is an uber-poser who wouldn’t know a biscuit joiner from a pocket hole screw jig!  Ha!  The fool.  Norm Abrams is my boy, he got tha kung-fu miter.  Yo.  Um, getting sidetracked.  New Yankee Workshop is sweet.  Bob Vila is a lameoid poser.  Nuff said.  He’s Skil, whereas Master Norm is DeWalt.

You need to use two stringers somewhere to prevent the post from twisting.  The two stringers as on the top of my columns prevent the columns from twisting or bending side to side relative to the wall.  I used one on the bottom, since all it does is keep the bottom of the columns from scooting about.  You can see that in previous squat rack pictures.

That’s the squat rack!  This is the foundation to doing lower body workouts, period.  Mine was built for less than $20.  A 12’ 6x6 would cost about $25-$30 at Me-tards, Blowe’s, Foam Depot, any of those places.  Which are often staffed by sluts and losers who wouldn’t know a miter box if you stuck their friggin’ hand in it and God help you if you need something loaded from inside the store!  But you can replicate this squat rack for $50, I would say.  If you can weld up your own columns, you could still steal from this idea.  This thing is solid and very useful.  And was very cheap.  Or just copy the old skool type as seen in the pictures of Draper and Arnold.  Rebar for hooks and square tubing and you’re set.

Final Squat Rack Notes: Buy fasteners from a Farm and Fleet or maybe a Rural King or one of the farmer stores where they sell fasteners by the pound because it is roughly 1/10th the price of buying fasteners by the piece.  Also, note your hand placement when you walk out, because if you use stock that’s too wide, like I did, you’ll always have to fidget a little to get your hands placed like you want after you get the weight out.  See how my hands are up against the columns in the following picture?  And the collars are still barely wider than the rack?  4x4 would probably work better.

4.2: Safety Pins

Didn’t you see my safety pins?  This is home quality, baby! 

These orange folding sawhorses are vastly superior to the cheap stamped steel sawhorse "kits" you see out there, which are utter crap.  Buy the folding ones like this, $30.  Boom.  1000 lb. static load rating apiece, so be careful dumping a couple hundred pounds on these babies from any kind of height.  But so long as you don’t slam the weight down (too hard) you should be fine.  Why is there wood on top?  To make the correct height for pin presses and squats.  You can use multiple pieces of wood stacked together and fastened to get the height different.  The wood also adds a little safety to the safety pins.  You would have to break the wood piece to bend the top of the horses now, so the tops have just become much stiffer.  You can add more or less wood to the tops (I used leftover pieces of landscaping timber) to get height for different things.  Figure 4.6 shows the screw I use to ensure the bar won’t roll off on my nuts or my neck when I’m not expecting it.

I know that these are not as adjustable as real safety pins in a real power rack.  But you don’t ever want to touch the pins while squatting, so as long as they’re close to the right height, you’re ok.  Setting them up for pin presses is something you can do.  You may not be able to do shoulder pin presses or inclines off them, but you can still go off the chest or a little above, which is where most people’s sticking points are.

4.3: Box Squat Box

Sicily is 5’5".  I am 5’10".  She does box squats off a milk crate, and I do box squats off a milk crate.  This tells you some of the following things must be true:

1. She has long legs.  This could be true, but I don’t know.

2. I have midget legs.  Yes, this is true.  I represent the lollipop kids.

3. I squat deep.  Yes.

The milk crate is a good start for a lot of people of average height.  For me, it’s 2 1/4" below parallel.  Once you find where it’s at relative to parallel, you can find something to stack on top of it so it is the height you’re looking for.  To keep it from being squashed under the weight of the Iron Hiney, check Figure 4.7 out.

Simply measure the inside of the box for height and width, and cut a piece of 3/4" material to fit.  You can use plywood or melamine/particleboard.  Test fit it a few times, then zap screws through the sides of the milk crate (the solid parts) into the sides of the vertical brace to hold everything together.  This works for me, and I’m pushing 200 pounds, squatting 155-205 off the box.  And it isn’t just handy for box squats, as you’ll soon find out!  With any luck, your glutes will soon be huge like mine, and none of your pants will fit anymore.

4.4: Cheap Bands

You can use Jumpstretch® bands for this stuff, or get real bands of some kind.  Or you can be cheap like me.  Figure 4.8 shows how Tom and I use Thera-Band to make bands for benching.  You can cut this stuff to length and tie it in loops.  I haven’t done any testing to determine spring constants for this stuff, but the grey stuff is harder to stretch and provides more resistance than the black stuff.  By tying different length loops, you can do different things.  The key to tying the loops is to make it so the tension is released at the bottom.  That means the weight you’re lifting at the bottom is bar and weights only, and as you go up, the bands kick in more and more for accommodating resistance.  Here, looky, big rubber bands!

4.5: Bench Hooks

I built bench hooks that go on my squat rack.  My bench is a POS, so I take care of it this way.  Simply cut 2x stock to the correct length and then screw a short piece of angle on top to serve as the hook.  The picture pretty much says it all.  I cut the incline ones first, then screwed them to the uprights, then cut the flat ones and screwed them into the incline ones.  There should be hooks for doing floor presses, but I haven’t built them yet.

I had someone measure the distance from the floor to the bottom of the bar and then I just subtracted a couple inches and made that my hook height.  I got my height numbers while doing the widest bench grip I thought I will ever do, since that’s going to be the lowest height.  Those are 2" angle pieces made from aluminum, and 1.5" would have probably been better.  But hey, that’s why you’re reading this now, so you don’t make my mistakes.  I eventually had to cut the vertical side of the angle to 1.25" to make it easier to bench outta the hooks. 

4.6: T-Bar Row Handle

I really like t-bar rows for lats.  I can’t afford a machine row handle, so I welded this quality piece of merchandise.  I’m literally that poor right now.  But I have access to tools, so let the good times roll.  Pretty simple.

4.7: Olympic Lift Bumpers

I think it’s important to do snatches and cleans, but that usually requires bumper plates.  Without bumper plates to cushion the shock of dropping the bar, you can break your plates and destroy a floor.  I do these lifts in my yard, since you can drop the weights in the grass without breaking anything.  Unfortunately, it makes ruts in the yard, which is massively uncool.  So I built these two small platforms.  It isn’t a deadlift platform, it’s just two things for the weights to drop onto when you have completed the rep.  News flash, there is no eccentric in Olympic lifting. 

It’s pieces of 2x (pronounced "two-by" for those of you who do not hang around and drool over tools) between two pieces of something flat.  I used OSB (oriented strand board, the bologna of hardwoods), 3/4" on top and 1/2" on the bottom.  You could use plywood, too, but don’t use particleboard, melamine, or MDF (medium density fiberboard) since they will quickly be destroyed.  I just used whatever I had on hand, which was OSB.  I guess you could always just cut a few layers of plywood or OSB and brad and glue them together, but I think a 2x core makes it a little tougher.  We’ll find out!  My platforms are 17.5" x 28.25" because that’s the biggest I could make them from the scraps on hand.  Remember, I’m flat broke.

I cut the top and bottom pieces of OSB on a panelsaw and tablesaw to get them nice and square.  You can do this with a $30 circular saw and it’ll be just fine for these purposes.  Then I cut the pieces of 2x stock to length.  I used two pieces of 2x8 (7.25" actual width) and one piece of 2x4 to get enough 2x stock width.  Quick note.  2x6’s and 2x8’s are almost always cupped.  Be picky about the wood you get from the lumberyard.  If the lumber is badly cupped or bowed, it won’t lay down and there will be voids when you build these bumpers, and they’ll get destroyed more quickly.  If you’re using 2x8 or 2x6 stock and they’re cupped you can rip them down the middle and alleviate the problem somewhat.  Or you could plane them and then….just get straight, good stuff, ok?  Using 2x4’s here will also help keep cupping under control.

I cut the 2x stock to length, then glued those pieces to each other on their 1.5" thick sides with wood glue (I recommend Titebond, great stuff) so I had all the 2x pieces glued together, then I used Liquid Nails or some kind of construction adhesive to glue the OSB to the top and bottom.  After you put the construction adhesive on and sandwich everything together, I would put as much heavy, heavy stuff as you can on there so all the voids are squeezed out as much as possible.  It wouldn’t hurt to run some screws in to hold the stuff together, either.  I put mine in the vacuum press to make sure they got squeezed nice and tight.  Heh heh heh…having access to a woodshop is fun, but not necessary.  Hey, park your car on them overnight or something or just drive back and forth on them to squash everything together, whatever works.

The final touch (which I haven’t done) will be to run small strips of thin, cheap pine trim or something across the platforms in the same direction that the bar runs.  They will keep the plates from rolling off.  Unless your yard is great, the platforms won’t be dead level, and the weights will constantly roll off, which is annoying.  Trust me.  Some small pieces nailed on would solve that.  And hey, when they get destroyed, take them off and put on new ones.  It doesn’t take much to keep the bar in place.

5. Lifting In Franco’s Garage

Well, you’ve seen pictures of it in all its un-glory.  This is about as cheap as weight training gets, friends.  This is a place that is far removed from the shiny, trendy, Propel-hawking Bally’s Total $#17ness down the road.  This is not a place to hang out, or impress members of the opposite sex (or whoever you are wanting to impress), or socialize with friends.  This is a place to find out just how motivated you really are.  This is a place to see if your doctor’s hernia stitches will really hold.  (So far, they have!  They should!  They were expensive.)  Once all the external aspects of lifting have been stripped away, you can focus internally and see exactly what you are willing to do for power.  In this place I feel the presence of Lord Franco most strongly, and his guiding hand is with me.  Sometimes I crank the metal, but most of the time I just open the garage door and leave it as dark as I can, and try to get in touch with the rage that burns inside.  For some reason, the peaceful, blank nightscape outside is soothing.  I can see my yard, go take a break between sets on my patio, and sit and breathe the night air.  And it brings me peace.  I can even lift in my yard if I want.  Yeah, it may look weird at night, but it’s not as pathetic as going out at night, getting drunk, and doing retarded things that you don’t remember the next day.   Sometimes the pain is at least as bad as a nasty hangover, but this pain serves a purpose.  It has been very difficult lately to make myself go lift at night, though, so I am considering a switch to afternoon hours.

Rambling aside, how exactly does one lift all alone in a craphole like this one?  Well, seeing as how I’m proud of this craphole, I will show you the main things I like to do out here.  Normal exercises that are done just like you’d do in the gym I will not illustrate, since you already know how to do them.  The goal here is to show you how I do other things that may be ore unorthodox, or done differently in a home gym.  If you see anything that might work for you, please steal the idea and try it!  Exercises that are for dynamic effort, maximal effort, or repeated effort are labeled as such.  Repeated effort means to failure, and is more the hypertrophy-style training we are used to.  These are generally the assistance exercises I do.

5.1 Fun With Abs

As you know, I have a deep-seated loathing of Dismissed on MTV.  They always pick some Ab Monkey 140 pound guy who’s 6’ tall and has all the mass of a swizzle stick.  Yet he gets crammed into a hot tub with two girls who are (usually, not always) drop-dead freaking hot and they get all catty and fight over him.  Perhaps some of these anorexic Flockhartians have mistaken Tiny Guy for a carrot stick.  Go figure.  I don’t train abs like that, so this might not be useful if you’re shooting for that physique.  I suggest you buy some condoms and work on your game, you player.  For those of you wanting to train abs for strength and balance to your lumpy lower back, behold…

Bent-Leg Work: Repeated effort.  This is how we use the cheap piece of crap leg extension thing from my cheapo bench.  Lay it on the floor as in Figure 5.2 and load a bunch of weight on the pin as shown.  Now it’s a bent leg ab thingy.  I use a folded blanket or towel on the concrete floor, too, for added comfort.  Doing bent-leg work keeps your hip flexors relaxed, lowering the compressive load on your spine and allowing you to better isolate abs.  Tighter abs correct posture and help cure hyperlordosis (excess curvature of the lower spine) as well as strengthening your core.  Doing these exercises also helps stretch the lower back.  You can do bent leg raises on your bench, too.  Here’s the piece of equipment itself, followed by implementation.

Figure 5.2: For legs, useless, for abs, useful.

 
Figure 5.3: Put something down on the concrete to avoid being a coccyx head.

Rocky Situps: Repeated effort.  Remember when Rocky does the situps hanging off the edge of the ring?  I thought that was cool.  So I thought, hey, I can use my box squat box and do these!  It will be fun!  I was right, except for the fun part.  These just flat out hurt me and make me work.  I do them with the right shown in Figure 5.4, for the middle of my stomach and my obliques.  I like to grab a small plate and hold it behind my head and come down until I make contact with the folded towel on the floor.  You need to have something to hold your feet, which is all that ’62 Nova wagon is doing right now.  These are done in an attempt to reach failure at 10-15 reps.  I don’t want lactic acid burn, I want hypertrophy and strength development.  These have strengthened my core considerably, and I think they are a good, solid exercise.  I wish I could do them with my legs bent for more ab isolation, but I haven’t figured out a good way to do that yet.  Dig the pink/red chalk box in the background.

Figure 5.4: Box, foot hold, and rug to prevent headbanging.

 
Figure 5.5: You’re gonna piss lightnin’ and crap thunder!

5.2 Fun With Squats

You must squat.  It is a rule.  But I get tired of squats, you say.  Me no likee squattee over and over.  That’s good, because there are a million variations of squats, so you don’t have to do plain vanilla squats over and over.  Also, lots of regular squatting can be pretty stressful on your shoulders.  Regular back squats and front squats you should already be familiar with.  But in the home gym (where there are no short-sighted, restrictive fitness "supervisors" around who wouldn’t know a Zercher squat from a squat on the can) you should take advantage of your freedom and high-tech equipment (sarcasm!) to do some of the following things.

Hack Squats: Repeated effort.  Believe it or not, the hack squat isn’t just something you do on a machine.  The hack squat is a great quad blaster, and doesn’t require a squat rack.  I ran across this by accident doing shrugs behind the back, and I noticed that jeez, it made my quads hurt.  Only after more searching did I realize you can do hack squats this way, as shown in Figure 5.6.  This is old school!  Pretend you’re Dave Draper and let it rip.  I like a grip a little inside the rings.  Don’t forget the chalk, either.

Figure 5.6: Set the way back machine for 1970!  This is the bottom.

 
Figure 5.7: And the top.  Tom Platz would approve.

Zercher Squats: Maximal effort.  Get in touch with your inner self through the healing magic of The Zercher.  As seen on TV!  The bar is so much farther out in front that the weight is working hard to tip you over forwards.  The only cure is to hold on tight and stiffen up your core as much as possible.  This will beat on your back and posterior chain, and help you handle more weight on regular squats and deadlifts.  Notice the look ony my face.  My wife couldn’t get the camera to take a picture, and that thing was cutting into my arms something fierce.  I usually use a towel wrapped around the bar for padding since these can be painful sometimes.  I tape the towel in place.  I recommend locking your arms together as shown in Figure 5.8 so they can help each other out.

Setting up safety pins is tricky here, but important.  The bar is over your thighs (Figure 5.9), not out in front like a deadlift, so if you get pinned down low, you could be in trouble.  I have trouble using my safety bars, since they’re a little too high.  I am considering some wood blocks of the right height so if I get pinned, I can just lean forward and dump the weight.

Box Squats: Dynamic effort.  You can also max with these or just use them as a training tool for regular old squats.  Ah, yes, the almighty box squat!  This is a great training tool for squat form, as well as a hip and glute developer.  You may have noticed that the majority of my squat work focuses on hip, hamstring, and glute.  Why?  Because there’s a lot more of that than quad.  The total muscle mass of the glutes, hams, and hip flexors together is bigger than the quads, and there is a lot more potential for trunk extension/standing up from these muscles than there is for leg straightening from quads and standing up that way.  I believe that more power and heavier weight comes from a wide glute-heavy squat.  The other reason I like this is because by taking a LOT of load out of the quads, I really relieve the tension on my knees, which means I’m not getting beat to death when I do squats like this.  I left the bars out for clarity.  And come on, it’s 135.

Again, note the lack of safety pins.  I don’t really need these for light box squats, but I like having them there when I do it for real.  The box, however, you gotta have.  There are lines drawn on the floor with marker for foot placement and box placement if you look closely at Figure 5.11 by my toes.  Get your form set up correctly (see posts in my sig) with the bar only and mark the box location, foot location, and also take note of where your butt is hitting the box.  You are now locked in and ready to rock.  You squat BACK, not down, sticking your butt back in a J-Lo impression (sans entourage) and tensioning your hip flexors, lower back, and glutes.  This box is 2" below parallel, but the same form applies on a parallel or above parallel box.  I would recommend training below parallel.

Once you touch the box, here’s where the magic starts.  The goal of box squats done for speed (I do them for speed with 50-60% of 1RM) is to develop explosive power out of the hole.  Your hips are critical here since you must drive your pelvis forward under the bar and really get under the weight before you can straighten up your legs.  If you straighten your legs before you are under the bar you’ll get bent over and snapped off.  But how do you reverse the "squat back" commandment and drive forward?  You have to relax your hip flexors.  This is weird, so bear with me.  And look at Figure 5.12 for more explanation.

This is not a touch and go.  Key point.  You sit on the box.  Once you sit on the box, you relax your hip flexors.  This allows your pelvis to rotate forward a little.  For me, this means I straighten up a little.  Hip flexors relaxed, I get ready.  You must now explosively contract your hip flexors and drive your pelvis forward under the bar.  While you are driving under the bar, you straighten up some and explode out of the hole.  This pounds on my hip flexors when I do it.  It took me a long time to understand this.  You don’t rock forward on the box.  You don’t touch and go.  You sit down, relax hip flexors, and then explode.  You may feel like you’re going to fall over backwards.  If so, rejoice, because you are driving from the heels!

Front Squats:  Repeated effort.  This one is still strange enough to many that I figured I might as well show a picture.  I greatly prefer the crossed-arm style to the style where you hold the bar like the end of a power clean.  My broken wrist doesn’t bend back like that.  I chalk my shoulders as well as the bar and hold the bar right in the notch where my side delt originates from my clavicle.  Note how the back stays straighter.  This makes life a little easier on the tall guys than doing Olympic squats.  The shin angle doesn’t look so great, but I do these much lighter than back squats, so my knees feel good when I do them anyways.  I get a lot of teardrop muscle with these.

Figure 5.13: Note posture and shin angle.

 
Figure 5.14: Pretend you’re Dave Draper and this may become less painful.

Chain Squats: I did not show pictures of how I rig the chains for squat, since the later bench pictures will clearly illustrate the principle.  I will, however, describe the setup and action for box squats, but it’s the same for regular squats.  These chains are light enough that I just hook them to the spring collars.  Follow along for a quick description of how I came to have these chains and how this compares to what I’ve read online.

Westside literature calls for 5’ lengths of chain in 1/2" diameter links or 5/8" diameter links.  The problem is that the only reason to make chain this big is to hold back some serious freaking weight.  To wit, the chain made for this will be some kind of high-test mega-unbreako crap that is very expensive.  I am talking in the neighborhood of $3-$5 per foot, friends.  The chain they sell comes in 5’ pieces, and they hook it up in the middle, in effect creating two 30" pieces from a 60" piece of chain.  Squat ROM for a taller guy is probably around 30" so that’s great.  For me, it’s more like 25" and my bench ROM is smaller, so I knew a 30" piece would be plenty long.

As far as weight goes, you can look in the deepsquatter archives for weight numbers, but big strong guys get 5/8" chain or multiple sets, and small weak people like me are encouraged to go for 1/2" chain.  A set of 5/8" chain weighs 40-50 lbs. total.  A set of 1/2" chains is more like 20-30 lbs. total.  They recommend on squat using enough chain to equal about 10% of your 1RM, or around 30 lbs. in my case.  Since 1/2" and 5/8" chain were so expensive (and not locally available), I went for 3/8" logging chain.  I had to cut it to length, but it was easy enough to do with an angle grinder.

You can buy this stuff by the foot or get a pre-made 20’ logging chain, which turned out to be cheaper in my case.  This stuff is about 29 lbs. for a 20’ piece, or roughly 1.45 lbs for each foot.  Take the clevis hooks off, since you won’t need them.  A 20’ piece of chain left me wondering how to cut it.  My squat ROM is bigger than my bench ROM, with the bar going from about 60" off the floor at the top to 35" off the floor for a booty-down box squat.  That’s 25", so I knew 30" pieces would be good enough.  20’ of chain is 240", or eight 30" pieces.  However, you lose some links in the cutting, and I wanted to make sure I had enough for this to work right.  So I cut two 6’ pieces and then had two pieces left over that are about 42", just under 4’ long.  My goal was to have two 6’ pieces I could double and then just have enough left to have two more pieces at least 3’ long.  In retrospect, it would have been better to buy chain by the foot and simply have a ton of 30" pieces cut.  But it would have been more expensive, and I am broke.  In a stroke of singular good fortune, the lengths I cut are perfect for bench.  But back to squatting.

I then got some wimpy (barely small enough to pass through the 3/8" links) twist coil chain.  I would have gotten smaller, but I was at Farm and Fleet and it was the cheapest thing I could find that would work.  The small chain is how you hook the big chain to the spring collars and get it hung right so the loading is correct.  When you’re down, you want all the chain on the floor.  When you’re up, ideally you’d have all the chain up, but there’s always going to be some left on the floor.  That’s ok.  The bottom (lightest) weight is what’s crucial to know.  I bought some quick links, but I don’t need them since I hook the chain off the spring collars.

I simply take one end of the wimpy chain, slide it over a spring collar, and then slide the other end through the end of the short (42") piece of chain and the middle of the 6’ piece of chain, effectively making two 3’ pieces out of it.  Now you pull that end up and hook it back over the spring collar.  Where, you ask?  Ah, good question.  Put the chain on the collars, hang it about as far down as you think it will have to be, and make sure ONLY the collars with chain are on the bar (no weight) and get in the down position.  Now look at the chain.  If it isn’t all on the floor at the bottom, it needs to be lower.  Rack the bar and pay out more chain.  Repeat until you’ve got it right.  Once I know what link in the wimpy chain needs to be on the spring collar for squats, I color it with permanent marker, so next time I set up it’ll be easy.  Now you’re set and ready to squat.  There are other ways to do this, I’m sure.  This way doesn’t require a bunch of snap links or anything, so it’s cheaper.

The motion isn’t really different than regular box squats, but you really need to power out of the hole.  The goal with dynamic effort is to be generating maximum muscular tension.  You can do this with maximal effort, too, but dynamic effort can also generate maximum muscular tension.  The maximal force you can produce has dropped because velocity is increased (I am pretty sure), but the dynamic nature of the movement forces  you to exert maximal effort at that speed so the bar moves as quickly as possible.  You have to try and explode to beat the weight up.  You need to keep it moving as fast as possible, or the exercises are useless.  However, with accommodating resistance, you don’t have to decelerate the bar nearly as much at the top, since the increasing weight does this for you.  It feels more natural to me for some reason.  Accommodating resistance makes the exercise more isotonic in a way, I think, and I think that feeling is what I like.

Anyways, that’s how I set up chains for squatting.  Lots of fun, great feeling doing the exercises, and the fun sound of rattling chain.  Very heavy metal.

5.3 Fun With Bench

Despite the fact that I am not a bench monkey, bench is one leg of the powerlifting tripod, so you should do it.  And it is fun, even if you are a weak piece of crap like me.  Now, that being said, there are many different types of bench.  I will go through some of the Funyuns in the following section.  I do not have a spotter, and most of the time I don’t need one.

Flat and Incline Bench: This is just a quick shot of the hooks in action to make sure we’re all down with how this works.  Can you dig it?  Pretty simple.  Note how much wider these hooks are, allowing me to load and unload the bar without it becoming unbalanced, something my crummy bench won’t do.  The chains happen to be on the bar in this picture, and it is in the flat bench hooks.

Speed Bench With Chains: Dynamic effort.  You’ve heard me rant about the joys of accommodating resistance, too.  The chains for this are shown above in Figure 5.15, but below you’ll see exactly what’s going on.  Think normal flat bench and then check this out.

Figure 5.16: Bar down on chest, all heavy chain on ground.  This is ideal.

 
Figure 5.17: Bar at lockout, all heavy chain just coming up off ground.  Again, ideal.

I was very fortunate here.  I can actually quadruple the 6’ pieces on themselves and make 1.5’ pieces that exactly cover my bench ROM, so I don’t waste any chain by leaving it on the floor.  The 42" pieces are also doubled, so I have the equivalent of about 6 pieces of chain 1.5’ long on each side.

The way you get chain height set is exactly like it is for chain squats.  Using chain on collars only, hooked up the same way you did for squats, do a few bench reps while you watch the chain.  Move it up or down accordingly.  When you’re done, mark the important link on the wimpy chain with permanent marker.  This way you can come back and quickly rig everything with no wasted time.  This is the same reason you keep a journal, to record important information.  Not just sets and reps, but form information, notes on technique, and equipment setup.  Again, there are many ways to rig the chain and this is just one of them.  The picture below is me pointing to the colored link, which you probably can’t see.  But this is how you set  just how far down the heavy chain is hanging.

Before all of this, measure your bar heights for up and down just like for squat.   If you have enough wimpy chain for squat, though, you’ll have plenty for bench.  Unless you’re benching on top of a bench that’s eight feet high.  But what kind of differently-abled  and learning-challenged person would do that?  Anyways, you can do this for incline and flat, you just need to leave more wimpy chain for incline since you’ll be higher off the floor.

Speed Bench With Bands: Dynamic effort.  This is like the chains, only with way more overload, especially on the eccentric.  Sometimes even with light weight, we’d use enough band tension that we had to have a liftoff at 135.  If you can keep the bar speed up, you can do it, but it requires an incredible amount of explosion right off the chest, which is good training for power.  If you can blast the bar up hard enough, its momentum will help carry you through the band tension.  Or you’ll get squashed.  Either way it’s fun, huh?  They don’t really list band info that gives me any weight information in the deepsquatter archives, but we used to use a 70 lb. dumbbell on either side to hold the bands.  Check out Figure 5.19 and 5.20 for a look at how we typically ran our bands.  It’s kind of hard to see, but you get the idea.  If you want DOMS, this is the king.

Figure 5.19: No band tension at bottom.

 
Figure 5.20: Full tension at top.

There are no heavy dumbbells in my home gym, so I had to improvise.  But I have an anvil and cheap dumbbells, so it’s all good.  The key here is tying the loops the right size so there is no tension right at the bottom.  Since I don’t have nice Jump Stretch bands (why do I hear a cash register going ka-ching every time I mention them?) I just use Thera-Band tied in loops.  See LAME what other uses LAME there are LAME for Thera-Band.  Gymbecilic side note.

At CRCE one day, I see this older dude come in wearing a skintight tanktop and these dinky running shorts.  He goes to the corner, gets all warmed up, then busts a big ol’ hunk of rubber tubing out of his bad and starts doing some Richard Simmons-style workout with these useless bands.  This would be one thing if he was rehabbing, so maybe he was doing that.  No, because he was doing like a full-body "workout".  At home, one thing.  But why come to this gym when you could do this at home?  My only conclusion is that he was looking for some special friends, if you are getting my drift.  Anyways.  Yeah, we used bands in the gym, too, but it wasn’t exactly the same.  Ironically, people looked at me and Tom like we were more retarded than this dude.  Takes all kinds to make a world.  Unfortunately, it takes more gym morons than smart people, about a 10:1 ratio.

I have black (special heavy!) and silver/grey (super heavy!) stuff in pieces about 6-8’ long.  What we did was get the bar racked at the low point, and then tie the Thera-Band in a loop.  Sorry, the THERA-BAND®, in a loop so it was pretty much slack at the bottom.  Then you lift the bar back into the hooks and you’re set.  At the chest, you are lifting bar and weight only, and you are adding more and more resistance as you go up.  The overload is insane.  The peak contraction is also totally out of control.  After band presses, the pain I get is right at the pec origin along the sternum, not out by the insertion.  It’s seriously crazy and must be experienced.  Again, check a physical therapy joint for this stuff and you may get it free like we did from Tom’s mother, who is a nurse.  Or go to a sports therapy clinic and fake an injury and see if you can score some.   If your PT is cute, act like you’re in pain and in need of massage.

Pin Presses: Maximal effort.  These are done by racking the bar on the safety pins and then lifting and doing the concentric part of the rep and then lowering the bar back to the pins.  I don’t really work much on the eccentric here, since the point of this exercise is breaking the eccentric/concentric chain.  When you start up top and lower the bar, you build and store muscular tension, and if you lower quickly, you can take advantage of the stretch-shortening cycle to blast back up with power.  Here, you start on the concentric portion of the rep, and it can be tough.  You have to do all the pushing with no stored energy.  Usually pin presses are done to work a specific sticking point or to work the top of the rep to develop the lockout.  I have a bad sticking point right off the chest, so look how my pins are set here.

I could set the pins higher by building up the wood, but I won’t be doing pin presses again for a while.  I am trying to work that sticking point right off the chest, so that’s where the pins are set.  They also keep me from getting squashed.  You can dump that bar back on the pins pretty hard with no problem, I have found.  Well, no problems so far!  I can’t do military pin presses here or incline pin presses, but I’m not terribly interested in those right now anyways.

Board Presses:  Maximal effort.  Ah, yes, another fun exercise.  This one is done by putting something on your chest to prevent the bar from coming down all the way, and then powering back up off of whatever it might be, cat, board, flux capacitor, whatever.  These are called board presses because you typically use a board, though.  I use two pieces of 2x6 screwed together.  That gives me a piece 3" thick and lets me avoid being right on my chest so I can concentrate on triceps.  You can do this with three or even four pieces of 2x6 together, but I’m trying two pieces this cycle.  I cut the pieces about 6" long.  I rest them on my own chest  and then do the exercise.  Like Gwen Stefani, I’m flat-chested enough that they stay in place.  It works pretty well shirtless, since I’m usually sweaty enough that the boards stay in place.  But if you’re sweaty enough, they won’t slide on your tanktop, either.  Especially not once you drop some weight on ’em!

Floor Presses: Maximal effort.  Joy and wonder.  Nothing better than laying on a filthy concrete floor, eh?  This is like bench, but done on the floor.  There is no leg drive and the lower part of the movement is eliminated since your elbows hit the floor.  That means this works the lockout extremely hard.  My setup for this is still under construction.    And this exercise is more tricky.  You have to have safety pins of some kind.  I got around that by using blocks of the right height.  But you also need low, low hooks.  I just built another pair like my incline and flat hooks specifically for this.  Piece of cake.  I’ll get a picture up whenever I complete it.

5.4 Fun With Olympic Lifts

A short note, if you will.  I really think Olympic lifts are important.  Especially if you’re involved in athletics, where speed and power are usually important.  I also think they’re useful for increasing muscular coordination and your ability to harness as many motor neurons in as many muscles as possible, as quickly as possible.  I think these lifts build functional strength and help you stay quick and powerful.  To me, lifting solely for bodybuilding doing repeated effort training and lifting for power and speed is the difference between someone being big and slower, or someone being big and still fast, like Brian Urlacher or a million other linebackers you can name.  The stereotype of musclebound, big, slow guys just doesn’t apply if you make it a point to train for power.

Cleans:  Dynamic effort.  Here’s me working in the yard with the platforms.  I use these on speed leg day if I’m doing power cleans.  Hang cleans I’ll use as a repeated effort exercise for the traps.  When you bring the bar down here, it’s usually pretty easy to guide it back onto the platforms.  However, the bar is going to bounce a little, and it’s usually best to let go when the weights are about a foot off the ground and keep your hands away from there bar, or to lightly hold it all the way down.  The rebound can be violent, and if your hands aren’t gripping the bar or completely out of the way, you can jam a finger or something.  Trust me.

Make sure you pick a level spot with nothing to roll your ankles.  Also make sure you leave the platforms far enough apart that you have clearance for your feet.  I favor a grip just inside the rings.  Note how my right wrist doesn’t bend back in the shot below.  Here’s the up shot.

Snatches:  Dynamic effort.  I’ve only recently picked up this lift, but it’s a fun one.  The start is pretty similar to cleans, except your grip width is much wider.  You have to get the bar up over your head, so to reach lockout, it’s best to have a wider grip width, which means less ROM to get up over your head.  The bar comes up just like a power clean and there are two pulls, just like a power clean.  Note the grip width here, about the same as the distance elbow to elbow when your arms are held straight out from your sides.  It’s about 36" in my case, and grip just outside the rings feels good to me.  So far, anyways.

It’s tough to get the bar up high enough that you can get under it and lock it out, and I’m still working on technique right now.  The platforms don’t help, since I lose a few inches of leg drive, which is much better than my upper body explosiveness.  I think I am going to do snatches from the hang to try and correct that imbalance.  But at least at 135, it looks heavy enough to be fun.  The image is cropped.

5.5 Other Fun Activities

Deadlifts: Maximal effort, dynamic effort, repeated effort, you can do it all with the mighty deadlift!  I wanted to show a quick picture of how I run the bar in my garage.  I put down two floormats to cushion the shock of the bar hitting the floor.  They’re pretty thin, so it doesn’t affect the lift much, if at all.

T-Bar Rows: Repeated effort.  You’ve seen the handle, but this is how I rig the chain for mine.  I don’t need much chain, but I need some, else I rack my nuts every time the bar comes up.  I greatly prefer using quarters to plates, since I get a better stretch at the bottom.  Remember, I got short legs.  I clip the chain to the handle, wrap it around the bar until there’s barely enough left to make it back to the handle, then clip that end to the snap link, too.

Plate Raises: Repeated effort.  These hit front and side delt pretty nicely and are easy to do.  I sit on my bench or something.  Try them sometime and see how they feel.  Just sit on a box, hold a 45 pound plate in front of you, ands swing it from as low as it goes to as high as you can hold it.  I like to swing a little once I get the burn, so I can keep it going longer.

Fun With Rocks: Maximal effort, cardio.  Had to get another picture, right?  Training with the rock is amusing.  I can carry it back and forth for HIIT or just huck it around.  The hucking is definitely more fun!  And snatching the rock is next on the list.

6. Conclusions

Well, there you have it.  I don’t have to lift at school any more to get a good workout.  I hope you can take away from this the realization that lifting heavy and lifting hard doesn’t necessarily require a lot of equipment.  More than that, the basic equipment you need isn’t terribly expensive, and you can set yourself up with all the amenities in a limited space on a limited budget.

If you have any more questions about construction or specific techniques, drop me a PM and let me know what’s up.  I don’t think everything I’ve built or done is necessarily the best way to do everything, but it has worked pretty well for me.

So just remember, you don’t need a bunch of cardio equipment, shiny weights, a $300 gym outfit, super high tech ultra sports water, or any of the goofy crap that some people spend all their time focusing on.  Some weights, some space, and the will to lift is all that’s required.  Enjoy yourselves out there.

Reign In Blood!

Josh "Blood Stained Shins"  Powell